ICMezzo

Tangled up in Blue

Happy Birthday BeautifulFigment!

Dearest BFig,

Happy birthday!!!!

I hope it is filled with super duper amazingness.

Even more amazingness than what is contained in the SaD outtake below, in fact.

And that's saying something, considering it is filled with some of Edward's most favoritest things. (*cough* Velcro *cough*)

Yes, it's true. I busted out the 'Cro again, just for you.

I hope you enjoy.

-ICM <3

A/N: This Said and Done outtake is actually based on a different outtake from the story (the one at the end of ch 22). And, um, I recognize SaD often skirts the crackfic line. I would simply warn you that this chapter, at least in my opinion, falls thoroughly into that category. That said, I hope it is good for a giggle or seven. Now, brace yourself. It's about to get crazy.

Thanks to ArcadianMaggie for prereading and TwilightMundi for betaing!

You know the drill. Rated M. Human/Vamp. Slash. J/E. Stephenie Meyer owns everything you recognize.

Edward wasn't home when the large package from “VelcroAmerica” arrived at his door, so Jasper went ahead and signed for it, reassuring the skeptical delivery man that it had indeed arrived at the right location.

It wasn't that Jasper knew the package was on its way, but he couldn't imagine anyone else in Edward's dorm had ordered—he glanced at the packing slip—a 20ft strip of platinum strength Velcro (with 30% more hooks!) in navy blue along with a smaller 6x6 ft mat Edward had apparently custom designed.

To be fair, Jasper didn't intend to open the package without Edward. But he was human, and humans slip on occasion, as Edward was always reminding him. So Jasper was surely not to blame when he slipped with his pocket knife in hand at the exact angle necessary to pierce the packing tape and split it along the entire length of the box.

“Oops!” Jasper said aloud, in case Edward was listening from across campus where he was in the middle of a group lecture with the rest of his piano studio.

He then sat the package on the floor, plopped down beside it, and began tearing into the box, tossing aside the bubble wrap and other filler until he reached his first prize.

A ginormous roll of blue Velcro.

Jasper studied it for a moment, crinkling his nose at its industrial scent.

He had to admit that having a boyfriend with a thing for Velcro was kinda weird.

But, he supposed, so was having a thing for a vampire. Who was he to judge?

Jasper then sifted through the remaining contents until he found not only Edward's custom rainbow colored mat cut exactly to Jasper's height, but also a 3-ft bonus roll in VelcroAmerica's most popular style, a gift they'd added for one of their best customers.

Jasper quickly put the mat back in the box, quite afraid to go there mentally, along with the smaller roll and all of the excess packaging to wait for Edward.

He kept the large navy colored roll out, however, and looked closely at it, trying to understand what Edward saw in it. Jasper suspected maybe the appeal was in the complexity only Edward could see with his extraordinary vision. Or perhaps it was the knowledge that he'd appreciated the brilliance of the fastener before it had caught on in America. Or maybe he liked the sound it made when peeled apart? Or—this was surely it, Jasper thought—Edward liked rooting for the underdog. It was why he preferred Bellini to Mozart, and Jasper to another vampire, he decided. This must be why he loved under-appreciated Velcro instead of the ever-popular buttons, glue, zippers, shoelaces, and duct tape.

Jasper had just made things worse when he combined all of Edward's favorites during the whole blueberry filling/Velcro sex incident. It had brought Edward's attachment to the fastener to a whole new level.

Interestingly, Jasper looked back on that day as “the one when he lost his mind and consumed too much pie filling,” whereas Edward recalled it as “the time his dreams came true.”

But then, Edward really was such a good boyfriend—at least most of the time—and Jasper really did love him entirely. And despite the number of sticky body parts involved that day, the sex had been pretty amazing.

With this in mind, Jasper regarded the roll of Velcro with new eyes.

It wasn't long before an idea bloomed.

When he looked at his watch, however, he realized Edward would be home relatively soon. So soon, in fact, that he didn't have time to waste if he was going to put his plan into action.

He got right to work.

xXxXx

Edward was happily skipping home from class humming a motif from Bellini's “La Sonnambula,” when he first heard Jasper's cries for help.

He had never been so grateful for his aural abilities before. Instantly, his skip became a bolt, and he shot off in the direction of his dorm, where his human was in need.

As he got closer, he recognized that Jasper's cries hardly sounded frantic, nor were they particularly loud—certainly not loud enough to bring other humans to his aid. But still, Edward liked the idea of being Jasper's knight in shining armor, so he focused instead on Jasper's words.

“Edward, help! I'm stuck! I need you! Help!”

Jasper was laying it on quite thick, mostly because he suspected his pleas would drive Edward wild.

He was absolutely correct.

After Jasper's extra whiny final “help,” Edward abandoned both his backpack (it only served to slow him down due to wind resistance) and his pretense of human speed, and ran far faster than he ever should have the rest of the way across campus, into his dorm, finally bursting into his room a full agonizing 42 seconds later.

Even if he'd taken one minute and 24 seconds later, however, Edward never could have imagined the scene that greeted him.

It was so unexpected that Edward shook his head and blinked in a few times in a rather humanlike manner to try to come to grips with what he was seeing.

Was he dreaming?

Certainly not. Vampires didn't sleep.

Was he dead?

Well, of course he was dead. But perhaps he was...more dead?

And maybe Carlisle had been right about the presence of a God who understood the plight of vegetarian vampires?

While Edward continued to stand there blinking and contemplating the sheer erotic genius that was apparently his afterlife, Jasper lifted his head from the bed, and offered a sly smile along with a final, rather hopeful, “Help?”

As had happened many times before, Jasper's voice was the pinch Edward needed to return to reality.

And what a delightful reality it was.

For Jasper lay completely naked and impressively bound with none other than the entire 20ft roll of Edward's brand new navy blue platinum strength Velcro with 30% more hooks.

Edward had his own clothes off faster than Jasper could say, “You're welcome,” and allowed his burgeoning erection to point the way to Jasper's side. He didn't stop there though, instead choosing to wander around the bed in an effort to view Jasper's beauty from every possible angle, taking endless mental photos that would serve him well during those late night activities he performed while Jasper slept, typically drooling a bit, by his side.

Finally, after Edward sighed the words “utter perfection” for the fifth time, Jasper decided to get things started.

“So, I can barely move, you know,” Jasper offered.

“I know,” Edward agreed, the color in his voice betraying his utter joy.

“So, you can like, take advantage of me,” Jasper suggested, blushing a bit.

“I know!” There was no hiding Edward's excitement that time.

They grinned as they looked at each other for a second before Edward pounced, choosing to forgo preliminaries and instead quickly engulf Jasper's length in his lips.

“Fuck!” Jasper cried in response.

(Don't worry, dear reader, it was a good “fuck.” Jasper wasn't complaining because of Edward's cold lips or accidental teeth-to-cock contact or anything like that. Jasper had grown used to the temperature long ago and Edward was far too skilled to allow accidental scrapeage.)

Edward bobbed up and down as Jasper squirmed rather helplessly on the bed. Edward was pulling out all the stops and Jasper had been more than a little worked up before they'd even begun.

Fortunately for Jasper's pride, Edward was too excited to stick with one activity for very long. So any worries he might have had about not being able to last were quickly discarded as Edward soon scrambled up on top of the bed, threw on a condom, and allowed Jasper to eagerly take his own erection in his mouth. Jasper didn't have a huge range of motion, of course, but Edward didn't mind. Jasper made up for it with his overachieving tongue, which Edward watched through hooded eyes.

Edward's next activity was to trace his tongue along the entire 20 feet of Velcro that wound its way around Jasper's body, strategically kissing and adoring Jasper's flesh as he went. This involved rolling Jasper enough times that he began feeling a bit like a highly licked rotisserie chicken. But he grinned and bore it and let Edward have his fun.

When Edward finally reached the end of the Velcro, his attention reasonably wandered back to Jasper's groin, where he alternately studied and sucked Jasper's gorgeously needy length, throwing in a well placed lick after every third slurp, just to keep things interesting.

“Please,” Jasper whimpered, unable to help himself.

“Please....what?” Edward smirked, kissing the tip of his cock.

“Please suck me, I need to come,” Jasper begged.

“So come,” Edward replied.

This left Jasper a little confused, as Edward wasn't giving him enough stimulation, and he knew it. And it wasn't like Jasper could do it himself—Oh. Oh. Jasper suddenly understood what Edward needed, and knew that if he gave Edward what Edward needed, Edward would be more inclined to give him what he needed, and Jasper was pretty sure if he didn't get what he needed rather soon, he was going to—well, he wasn't sure what was going to happen, but he assumed it wouldn't be pretty, and it might leave Edward's 'Cro somewhat worse for wear. So Jasper played into Edward's game.

“I can't,” Jasper replied seriously.

Edward tried not to grin. “Why not?”

“Because,” Jasper said slowly, drawing it out as long as possible. “The Velcro.” He paused dramatically. “It's too strong.”

It was Edward's turn to whimper.

“Help me?” Jasper's words were the last straw for his pale knight, who took Jasper's throbbing sword in his mouth, swallowing deeply while he pierced Jasper's chivalry with his lengthy third digit.

Under such circumstances, it was difficult to blame Jasper for coming so rapidly and with enough force that he burst through some of his bindings as his muscles clenched and released during his rather powerful orgasm.

Jasper initially worried that he might have ruined a bit of Edward's new Velcro in doing so, and apologized afterward.

To be honest, Jasper was actually quite surprised that it didn't seem to upset Edward in the least.

Then again, Jasper didn't know that a second, even larger box from VelcroAmerica was due to arrive the following day, which meant Edward didn't mind so much that the smaller roll of navy blue he'd ordered was no longer in pristine condition.

He minded even less when a determined Jasper tried to make it up to him with an enthusiastic handjob, complete with whispers of bondage, berries, and all-consuming love.